You Will Never Understand My Life
by Sango luvz Miroku
Summary: Sequel to "Ill be your crying shoulder": Adura has returned with the Cullens to Forks. Will the Cullen's be able to help her? And will they save her from herself as well as the monsters lurking in the shadows?
1. Chapter 1 Strange New Place

**PROLOGUE:**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Strange New Place**

* * *

I lifted my head from the pillow, my eyes burning as the sunlight poured through the blinds onto my face. It was dull and grey, and it should have brought me some kind of comfort, comfort in knowing that I was safe, but it didn't. It was too much like the sun that sat above the trees of my home town. The home I had to leave so abruptly once I had become what I would forever be.

I should have lifted myself from the bed, gotten dressed and gone out to the kitchen and eat breakfast, but I didn't. None of me moved. I lay perfectly still, staring through the blinds at the grey sky above.

This place was so strange, new faces passing every day. I just wanted to be home, with my friends and my family, with my pack. But I couldn't. Not now, and not ever again.

I was an outcast, even though none of it was my fault.I was alone, utterly and completely alone.

I shut my eyes tightly, wishing I could just lay in this bed forever. But that wouldn't be much better. In sleep I saw my former life, my childhood, everything I had ever known. It was just too hard to think about but I couldn't stop myself.

If I could pinpoint the moment everything changed, it'd be that faithful night two months ago, as I walked home alone under the night sky, unaware of the monsters lurking in the shadows. Truthfully I knew. I had heard so many stories as a child from Linas and the others, but maybe I didn't care. Maybe I thought it couldn't happen to me. I guess I was wrong wasn't I?

It all happened so quickly. That man attacked me, and then I became one of them, not three days before my thirteenth birthday. It was ironic, as on my thirteenth birthday I would officially become part of the pack, how quickly all of that changed.

I squeezed my hands against my chest, remembering the burning pain that came from the bite in my neck. The strange visions and the pain, it was so terrible. After that I knew I was different, I didn't even have to be told.

I could see it in my face, my eyes were suddenly a dark red, and it terrified me. I didn't even hesitate; I went straight to Linas, but found Grazyna.

I cringed slightly, remembering the feeling her hand as it swat across my face before she chased me out of town. Why did she hate me so much? I never remembered her hating me when I was a child, why did she hate me so much now?

I didn't want to keep thinking of what happened. It didn't help me now. This was my home, until either the Cullen's got sick of me, or their enemies killed me.

I could hear movement beyond the door, Mrs. Clearwater muttering softly to herself.

She was a nice woman, very motherly and kind. But then she was not a mother, not mine anyway, she had two children of her own. The only reason I was even here was because she was helping out the Cullens.

I sighed heavily, my eyes ticking up to the window again. I guess I had to get up.

I moved slowly to my feet, pulling off the t-shirt and pajama pants she given to me. Dropping them onto the floor, I looked over the small pile of clothes that Alice had bought for me on top the night stand.

It was very strange how kind they were all being to me.

I was always told that suviliotojas - or vampires- should be avoided. But these 'Cullen's' were different. Not like the man whom tried to kill me in the alley. They seemed almost human, and they got along good with the wolves in this town. They were comrades, which never would have happened back home.

As I got dressed I thought over everything Linas had ever told me and my siblings about suviliotjas. He had always said they were evil and murderous, that they slaughtered thousands of our kind long before any of us were even born. It was extermination, an attack on our species so that they could hunt without any competition. It seemed like such a fantasy to me back then, but I should have known, I was already living in a fairytale.

I was taken in by Linas as early as I can remember, becoming one of his daughters in every sense of the word. He cared for me and my siblings, feeding and raising us, sending us to school and providing us with the best he could offer. He sent us to the best schools, enabling us to learn at a level far greater than any other kids our age. That is probably why I was how I am now. But who knows? Probably being told you were going to become a monster at the age of thirteen sped up the maturity process. You knew what your life would end up being, so you didn't waste your time dreaming like other children.

I walked out into the hallway, seeing Mrs. Clearwater standing in the kitchen. She smiled brightly at me, pulling out the chair for me before I even reached the table. She was so nice.

As I picked away at the plate of eggs and sausage, I couldn't help but smell her blood. It smelt so good to me, far better than what was in front of me. I guess I didn't really think about these things after it happened, I was too scared to notice how every deer or rabbit running past me smelt so delicious. I wish she wouldn't stand so close to me, the burning was making my throat raw! I turned away from her, staring at the fork in my hand. I hated this! I hated feeling like a monster; I hated how every pulse made my throat burn and my body tense. How every person walking by smelt so good to me! At least in our pack we were only monsters according to the moon, the rest of the time we were basically human. But now, now I was totally a monster and it was making me sick.

The door opened quickly, Mrs. Clearwater's son striding in happily.

"Hey". He said lightly, his eyes glittering against his dark messy hair.

I smiled weakly up at him, the burning in my throat weakening. At least Seth knew what it was like to not be human. Even though he and the others here weren't technically children of the moon, they were a pack. They knew the feeling of being completely devoted to something other than you.

He slid into the chair beside me, glancing up at his mother.

"You're filthy". She said swatting her hand over the top of his head as he laughed.

"Yeah well, that's life". He chuckled as he shook his head. "Dr. Cullen asked me to bring you back to the house." He said turning to me slowly.

I nodded carefully, feeling a lump growing in my throat. Truthfully I was nervous, a house full of vampires, no matter how kind they were still scared me. I shoveled the remainder of the food into my mouth, flashing a quick smile up at Mrs. Clearwater when I finished.

"Thank you." I said softly. It felt so strange to be speaking English so often. I had only even learned it because Linas had made me, but I didn't imagine I'd have to use it.

"No problem dear". She said warmly as Seth jumped to his feet.

"Let's go". He said darting to the door as I followed quickly behind.

We were at the trees a few minutes later, Jacob and Leah talking quietly to each other when we arrived. I felt my body freeze as I looked over Jacob. He was just so _huge_, it still scared me. He smiled quickly at me before turning away and phasing into his wolf form. Leah did the same, sprinting after him as Seth walked along side me.

I stared after them as they ran, feeling my chest clench. Would I ever know the feeling of being a wolf; to run freely without any boundaries to stop me? I would already be one if it wasn't for what happened.

I slid my hands into my pockets, Seth whistling softly beside me.

"So how do you like my old room"? He said turning his head down at me.

I shrugged slightly, listening to him laugh.

"I know it isn't the four seasons-"

"It isn't that". I said earnestly, not wanting to offend one of the few people I felt comfortable enough to talk to. "It's just strange that's all".

He nodded slowly, his eyes following Leah and Jacob as they ran on either side of us. "Yeah, I bet. It can't be easy. But you're lucky they found you".

I looked away, my eyes turning up to the tall trees.

"If it were any other vamps, you'd probably be dead".

"I should be". I muttered as I glanced back at him. "I shouldn't even be here."

He nodded again, falling silently into his thoughts. I guess he didn't really have much to add. What could he? Did he know what it was like to not belong anywhere, to be an outcast? No. Only one person could relate to me when it came to that. And that person was a toddler.

We were slowly getting closer to the house and I could already smell them.

The largest one, Emmett, was hunting with the mind reader Edward. They were about fifty feet away. The motherly one, Esme, was in the kitchen cooking. I could faintly smell the pretty one Rosalie, and the other three were scattered around the house also.

"Esme makes the best stuff. At least you like human food more than blood". Seth laughed as his hand closed around my shoulder.

Yeah I liked human food alright, that is until a _human _entered the room.

I sighed as the house came into view, Seth quickening his pace and dragging me along at his side. My nerves got the better of me again, and I felt my mouth closing tightly as we stepped onto the porch.

Dr. Cullen greeted us at the door, his smile just as bright and perfect as ever. I thought it was strange that these vampires's smiled so much. How could they smile when they were going completely against their nature by not killing humans? Whatever the reason he was one of the most polite and beautiful men I had ever seen, his sons not included.

We followed him into the house, Seth quickly abandoning me to run into the kitchen and ask what Esme was cooking. I felt Carlisle's hand drop carefully onto my shoulder, the chill of his skin radiating through the thin material of my shirt. I shivered slightly, watching his lips mouth a 'sorry' as his hand fell away. We walked into the dining room, Carlisle talking softly about what was the reason he had me come.

I was once again going to be a test subject, as he was going to test my power. I really didn't want to. What I had done in the forest back home to not only three of my brothers but that vampire was too frightening. But Carlisle must have seen my face as his hand was on my shoulder again as he whispered comforting things to me.

I settled in a chair across from him, a small metal table between the two of us. He sat opposite of me, his golden eyes moving over my face softly.

"It is alright Adura. We're just going to see if you can control it, so I'm going to give you something to focus on". He whispered glancing at the door. He pulled out a leather case, opening it on the table swiftly.

He pulled out a bunch of silver instruments, weird devices you would see in a horror movie. I kept reminding myself that he was a doctor, and vampire or not he wasn't going to intentionally do anything to me. I watched him take a scalpel out, holding it before his eyes as he looked at me.

"You have to swear to me you won't tell Esme about this, she tends to overreact a little bit". He said with a half smirk as I nodded.

What could he possibly have in mind that she'd overreact about? I gasped softly as he brushed the tip of the scalpel along the bottom side of his forearm, scraping away the pale skin smoothly. I cringed as he remained stoic and composed, the blade not even affecting him.

What could self mutilation have to do with me? I watched him pull a small piece of skin off, dropping it on the top of the table as he laughed dryly.

"It's alright. It heals very quickly." He said as he held his arm up. The wound was already healed, the pale skin bare of even the faintest scratch.

I glanced weakly back at the piece of flesh on the table, feeling my stomach clench. What was I supposed to do?

"I want you to concentrate on that." He muttered placing the scalpel down as he looked at me strongly. "Do whatever you can to duplicate what you did in the forest. Whatever emotion provoked your power, feel it again. Focus right there". He whispered pointing at the lump of flesh.

Emotion? What could he mean by that? I tried to think of what I felt when that vampire tried to attack me. Fear obviously, anger, determination to survive. I breathed slowly as I let my thoughts become consumed with those emotions.


	2. Chapter 2 Test

**Chapter 2: Test**

**Jasper**:

* * *

I walked downstairs, cringing slightly as a sharp scent washed up my nostrils. Turning knowingly to the source, I saw Seth and Jacob sitting in the kitchen with Esme.

"Esme"? I whispered from the doorway as she turned to me smoothly. "Where's Carlisle"?

"In the dining room". She said with a smile as she started cooking a new panful of eggs for the two hungry wolf kids.

I turned away with a nod, walking quickly toward the dining room door. I paused as I felt Adura's twittering heart, her pulse quickening to a speed that caused me pain. Something wasn't right. Placing my hand on the door, I drew it open, watching Carlisle look at me briefly. I glanced at Adura as she sat across from him, perfectly still and upright in the chair.

I crept carefully into the room, my eyes flashing down at Carlisle's bag on the table. They were sitting in the very back of the room, a small metal table between the two of them. A lump of pale flesh rested on the smooth surface, a scalpel a few inches away. What could be going on here? What was Carlisle trying to do?

I settled into the chair next to him, Adura barely aware that I entered the room. Glancing weakly at Carlisle I searched his face for answers.

"I am testing her gift". He said simply as his eyes remained in her face.

"You're what"? I muttered looking at Adura as her eyes darkened.

Testing her gift? Was he really intending to use himself as a subject, or at least part of him? That's crazy, what if something went wrong?

"I'm very much aware of what could happen, but I think she has a good amount of control over it". Carlisle said quickly, as if reading my thoughts.

I looked back hesitantly at Adura, my guard instinctively lifting. This was dangerous; Alice had described her gift to us, so why would it be necessary for Carlisle to test it?

It probably wouldn't be for any reason my military mind automatically went to; for purpose of using her as a defensive system against the Volturi or any hostile nomads. It was probably purely for his love of learning. He wanted to know every intricate detail of her gift and what provoked it and such. I watched Adura sternly as the flesh began to smoke.

Steadily from the very bottom layer it began to burn, as if it were dropped into a fire. Even I became entranced, staring at it dumbfounded. The first layer of muscle became incinerated, every vein blackening almost instantly. The process gradually continued until it was nothing more than ash on the table.

Adura's eyes snapped open right after, her mouth hanging open slightly as she breathed.

"Very good child". Carlisle said warmly, brushing his hand lightly across her shoulder.

She stiffened, her eyes turning fearfully down to the table.

"It's alright. You didn't harm either of us". Carlisle said gliding out of the chair as she looked up at him quickly. "Jasper where's Alice"? He said strongly to me.

For a moment the words didn't register, all of my attention focused on the charred lump of flesh in front of me. Shaking my head I looked up at him sharply. "Upstairs with Bella and Reneesme." I said seeing Adura's expression brighten out of the corner of my eye.

"Very good.". He muttered as Adura and I looked at the door. "Alice". He said barely above a whisper.

I heard her light footsteps as she flitted downstairs; she appeared at the door not a moment later. "Yes Carlisle". She said grinning from me to him as she placed her hand on her hip.

"Why don't you take Adura upstairs? I'm sure she has missed you guys a lot". Carlisle said as Alice's eyes ticked to the table for a second before turning back to his face.

"Alright". She said brightly as she extended her hand.

Adura leaped out of the chair, running swiftly to Alice's side and taking her hand tightly in her own. I had never really seen that girl move so quickly than when she was with Alice. I suppose it had to do with that whole 'female bonding' thing and because Alice was who she felt most comfortable with besides Reneesme. I couldn't decide which.

The two glided out of the room quickly as I turned back to Carlisle. His eyes were already on the table, his tongs clenched in his fingers.

"Did you learn anything from this"? I muttered as he turned it over and over.

He examined each inch carefully, his eyes narrowing tightly. "Yes. Yes I did". He whispered as he lifted it to his eyes.

"This is a very strange situation indeed." I said folding my hands together under my chin as Carlisle nodded.

"Yes it is. I suppose we've always attracted strange situations toward us."

"It started with Edward dating Bella". I whispered as he chuckled.

"No I believe it started with me. The first vegetarian vampire." He snickered as we listened to as a pan dropped in the kitchen, Esme muttering a curse before Jacob darted to catch it.

"That is true". I said faintly hearing the conversation going on upstairs between Alice and Rosalie. I could hear Reneesme's laugh but nothing from Adura. She rarely spoke, and only on certain occasions did she speak to any of us besides Alice. I watched Carlsile take out a small vile, dropping the charred flesh into it carefully. "You know what I've been thinking?" I said as he turned to me.

"Yes"?

"I've been wondering about Caius and the pack. If they don't believe that she is really dead as I'm sure Caius won't, they would come looking for her". I said as Carlisle nodded thoughtfully.

"That is true. I suppose worse case scenario we could hide her in La Push. Sam would be all too eager to slay the Volturi if they dare cross the border."

"Yeah". I looked up at the ceiling, my mind moving over a million worse case scenarios as it often did. Finally I settled on a thought I'd been wanting adress for a while"But you know what I would do"?

Carlisle nodded, staring at me silently as I looked back at him.

"Being part wolf or not, if I were Aro I'd take her into the inner circle. She is very powerful and can be useful to those who seek to rule, I suppose if another coven knew of her they'd probably want to fight us as well-"

"The only thing with that theory is she is at this time uncontrollable."Carlisle said softly as he glanced at the door. "I don't think that even Jane or Alec could have any effect on her and I'm sure the girl would not readily agree to being a slave."

"Yes."

Carlise returned his tools to his bag, shaking his head slowly. "It's sad really. There isn't a place for her in the world. If her pack had only harnessed her gift instead of dismissing it, they could reestablish themselves as a species once more. But I guess her vampire blood deemed her as toxic to the pack."

"And we still have yet to know how she killed those other wolves."

"In time we shall learn, I just don't want to make her feel like a guinea pig." Carlisle said as I smiled.

"You have quite a lot of love for halflings don't you"? I muttered as he grinned.

"Considering my grand daughter is one. Yes". He rose to his feet and I did the same.

Together we walked out into the living room, Edward, Emmett and Bella sitting in the chairs talking quietly. I glanced up the stairs, Rosalie floating down them silently with Alice behind and Adura behind Alice.

Alice grinned as she dashed past Rosalie, running into my arms and kissing my neck lightly.

I looked over her head silently as Adura stopped at the bottom of the stairs, staring at everyone fearfully. Reneesme was curled up in her arms, her tiny hand against her cheek as she stared warmly at her parents. I could sense Jacob's anxiety as he poked his head out the door, staring at Adura strongly. I suppose having his soul mate in the arms of a volatile halfling didn't sit well with him.

I shook my thoughts away, looking down at Alice as she leaned against my chest. I could understand his aversion toward Adura- at least when it came to Reneesme- I'd feel the same.

"Jaz". Alice sang bringing my attention back to her. "Remember what you said about my Porche"? She grinned as I smiled down at her.

Alice. "All right". I whispered taking her hand and dashing out the door to the garage. I was always up to some alone time with her, and who was I to deny her?

* * *


	3. Chapter 3 Unlikely Friend

**Alice**:

We were on the road not long after, speeding up the coast in my yellow Porche. I was grinning ear to ear as we curled around each curve in the road, the wind stinging my cheeks.

I flashed a glance at Jasper as he sat peacefully beside me. He was leaning back in the chair, totally at ease, his hand making waves through the air beyond the mirror. He grinned at me, his other hand closing on mine on the gear shift.

"Thanks Jaz". I whispered as he nodded.

"I figured you'd need a break eventually. What with all the interference in our house". I blew him a kiss, forcing my eyes back to the road. I loved his playful spirit, though he rarely acted such a way with the others he was always that way with me. At times like this it was similar to when we were first together. Just he and I, the world laid out before us in an endless expanse of time. Together and in peace forever. I couldn't hide the glimmer in my eye as I thought of our many moments together and I heard him chuckle lightly.

The trees opposite of us flew by, masses of green against the blue grey sky.

My head was aching, a tearing sensation rising up from the back of my neck through to my forehead. I was trying desperately to ignore all the visions that were assaulting my mind the further we got from home. So many random ones; Rose and Emmett going on a trip to Seattle, Carlisle and Jasper reading in the study, Edward and Bella in their cottage. It was getting quite annoying.

I let out a grunt out of frustration, feeling Jasper's eyes on my face as he watched me.

"Do you want me to drive"? he whispered softly as I shook my head.

"Oh no!" I beamed at him as his eye brows raised. "Remember the last car you wrecked? I'm not letting that happen to my baby! Besides I'm fine". I giggled as he shook his head slowly.

"Last I remember love, you were the one who almost crashed. Edward and Bella are witnesses". He smirked lightly, his finger tracing along my wedding band.

I shook my head roughly, squeezing his hand tightly with my own. "I'm fine love really. Just sometimes there's such a silence in my mind that once I get the visions back it's difficult to adjust."

"I know". He stared at me warmly, his eyes burning into my face. "There hasn't been anything crucial yet, otherwise you would have told me right"?

I gave him a stern look as he smiled weakly. "Of course. I'd never keep anything from you or the family".

"What about Adura? Have you seen anything happening with her? Pertaining to the lunar cycle"? He asked becoming suddenly tense.

I shook my head, glancing out over the road. "Her future, it's pretty much closed off to me, like with Jacob. I suppose maybe what happened before was a fluke and I won't be able to see anything that happens to her".

"Well she's going to be with the dogs around that week, but I'm sure Carlisle would want to observe what happens to her during that time."

"Of course". I said rolling my eyes at the antics of our overly analytical adoptive father. No doubt he'd want to be right there, notebook in hand to document the possible transformation. But how would the vampire blood affect it? Would she not even transform at all? Or maybe-

"I know." Jasper said looking back toward the mirror. "I'm concerned with that as well. I just want to make sure none of us are in danger, considering how volatile she might become."

"Don't worry, it will be fine". I muttered with a sigh. No way of knowing for sure. Just had to hope really. I closed my eyes for a moment, not that it would affected my driving anyway. I was so good I could drive if I were asleep. That is, had I ever slept.

I let the wind wash the scent of his cologne up my nose and down my throat. The breeze brushed across my face, lifting little strands of hair into the air. Opening my eyes, I stared back at the twisting road. "I don't want to go home just yet. Another hour or so". I whispered looking at him as he nodded.

"That's always a good thing for me." He whispered taking my hand and kissing my knuckles lightly. "Any time away from Edward's probing little gift is more than fine with me".

I nodded quickly, pressing the gas pedal into the floor so that car gave a slight lurch forward. "Let us distance ourselves further then"!

* * *

Adura:

The next few days continued in the same fashion; Dr. Cullen sending someone to bring me back to the house. It was early one morning when the other Clearwater child appeared at my door to get me.

Leah stared silently at me, her hand resting against the threshold. "You ready"?

I nodded hesitantly, not able to react differently. She was intimidatng to say the least, much like Grazyna. Something about the way she glared toward me made my heart stop.

She seemed to sense my distress as she smiled weakly. "You're not going with the blood suckers," She said in a passive tone while still managing to hiss the word 'blood suckers'.

"Then where am I to go"? I asked growing steadily more anxious. What plan was laid out for me without my knowledge.

She grimaced for a second, her gaze distant as she fell into her thoughts. I knew what she was thinking, without having the gift the vampire Edward possessed. Her brother Seth was vague about it, telling me of their past experiences with the other larger pack in La Push. She was no doubt thinking about their leader Sam, the man whom abandoned her for her cousin. What a life. To once have had to answer to a man whom hurt you so deeply. It seemed so terribly tragic as her eyes pulled back to me, full of sadness and anger at the same time.

"You're going to go with Sam." She said as I expected she would.

Unwillingly I felt more nervous than before. Sam was much less accomidating than Jacob, and he frightened me. Where Jacob acted sympathetic, Sam was indifferent, I didn't want to go to him.

"Please don't make me." I pleaded as Leah's expression softened. "Please don't send me to him, I don't want to go."

She looked at me softly as she glided forward, settling herself on the edge of the bed. "I know," She whispered briefly touching my cheek before jarring her hand back. She shook her head smoothly, her shoulder length hair bobbing back and forth. "Jacob wanted you to stay with us but Sam insisted. He has more experience with these sort of things". She said almost bitterly.

"He has experience with monsterous half vampire half werewolf abominations like me? I sincerely doubt it". I muttered as she smirked lightly.

"No. _That_ much he doesn't have. He's just a know it all, he says Jacob is too inexperienced to deal with.... With this". She trailed off as I bowed my head.

"With me." I whispered closing my eyes. "No one will ever know how to deal with me".

Leah shook her head, her hand touching to the top of my head. "I'm sure in time the Cullen's will learn any secret about your nature. And then you will feel no obligation to Sam or his pack."

I looked up at her silently. "I don't feel any now." I whispered as she grinned despite herself.

"Come on." She whispered as she took my hand, pulling me to my feet. "Get dressed and come outside. Jacob, Seth and I aren't going to abandon you just because _he_ wants us to." She said gliding out the door, leaving me to dress in private.


End file.
